Nicolai Ptak
Nicolai Stas Ptak (1903-1947) was briefly the head of the Soviet Union in 1947. Not many people know about Nicolai, mostly because he is omitted from just about every history book due to certain issues (see the section on this). Ptak was nothing but a typical Russian man, drinking vodka, wrestling bears and whatnot, until he came upon the Watch of Minecraftsucksery, granting him great power in his country and permitting him to take control of the USSR. His control was short-lived, mostly because he was quickly driven insane by the way the watch flashed in his paralyzed eyenose, which led to an incident that got him expelled. Shortly after being expelled from the Soviet Union, he ate a donkey and died from WHOECER EDITED THIS CAN DIE IN THE FLOOR im sorry i deleted it, im sorry not on purpose Early life Ptak was born in the city of Ufa in a poor Russian family. Nicolai's parents had eight other children because that was the trend back then, so food and other resources were very scarce for each member of the family. His father's name was Dorofey, his mother's name was Katenka (née''' '''Bogomolov). His siblings included an older brother named Vitaly, an older sister named Boleslava, five younger brothers named Syvatopolk, Milan, Sergey, Vlasi and Gena, and one younger sister named Vladislava (all named in order of age). None of them are important, so enough about them. Nicolai suffered from a major injury caused by a botched birth: a weakened, paralyzed eyenose. You see, in Russia, childbirth occurs when a doctor rips the baby out of its mother with a pair of oversized tweezers. In Ptak's case, the tweezers squeezed his eyenose very hard, which killed the nerves and heavily damaged it. Thus, his eyenose became his Achilles' heel, which will later lead to his demise. Nicolai spent a lot of time standing on top of the roof in his childhood, mostly to get away from his family. Nicolai needed to get down from there however, and so he JUMPED. He suffered no injuries whatsoever, mostly because the roof was actually on the ground, but it was nevertheless an accomplishment that was remarked by his family. Nicolai drank his first bottle of vodka at age 4 (this is late for a Russian, so his parents were worried) and wrestled a bear for the first time at age 6. Ptak started school at age 8 because school had just been invented in Russia. He graduated from drinking school at 19, but he didn't know what to do after that, because colleges will not be invented in Russia for another thirty years. Therefore, he spent a big part of his life just drinking vodka and wrestling bears, like most Russian men, until he discovered the Watch of Minecraftsucksery, which changed his life for good. Discovery of the Watch and the English attack In 1945, Nicolai had jumped from his roof again, but this time it was on the edge of a cliff. After falling to the bottom of the pit, Nicolai screamed in agony. Next, he got up, punched a bear and took a drink of vodka. As he did this, something bright and shiny caught his eye (bright and shiny things are very rare in Russia). Noticing it came from the ground, Ptak drank a few more bottles of vodka then started furiously punching the ground. (In Russia, this is known as digging.) When he dug deep enough, he saw it was the Watch of Minecraftsucksery, a sacred sromp artifact lost for generations. Of course, he didn't know what he had found, so he stuffed it in his pocket and went back home. Upon arriving home, however, the effects became apparent as everyone suddenly bowed to Nicolai and obeyed his commands. Seeing this, Nicolai smiled, but he still didn't realize what the watch was capable of. A few weeks later, on the 3rd of March, 1945, the English army launched a brutal attack on Nicolai's homeland. The attack lasted two hours, in which hundreds of Russians were killed, including all of Nicolai's family. When his family was murdered, Nicolai went on a blind rage and started attacking English soldiers, with his watch on his arm. The watch's powers rendered his enemies helpless before him, and so Nicolai managed to dispatch almost a hundred soldiers by himself, which caused the rest of the soldiers to pack their tea and run away. The Russian army, having seen all this madness, immediately recruited Ptak. Rise to power and decline Upon his draft in 1946, Nicolai was soon promoted to head commander for his amazing skill. Nicolai had won many, many important battles throughout his draft, which led to him rising through the ranks until he finally became Premier of the Soviet Union in 1947, which meant he now led the entire country. Nicolai was set to take over the world with his immense power and strength, but something was bothering him. From the beginning, the Watch of Minecraftsucksery had a little problem that affected him: it flashed in his eyenose. Up until then, he simply ignored it because of the sheer success it brought. The flashing had become too much to handle at this point, but Ptak tried his best to ignore it anyway, continuing his lead and almost destroying England for vengeance. In the frequent attacks that Nicolai launched on England, hundreds of thousands were killed instantly, and the remaining citizens were completely deprived of tea and crumpets, which made them die shortly after. England constantly begged for mercy, but Nicolai refused and continued to eradicate them in cold blood. It seemed like all was over for England, but little did they know that the Russian leader was about to be dispatched himself. Mass murder and death On September 9th, Nicolai finally snapped from the immense pressure the watch put on his eyenose by flashing. He went on a killing spree and murdered dozens of important Russians, then starting screaming loudly and broke into tears. It was then that it was revealed that Nicolai's power came from his watch as the remaining commanders became immune to its effect, which had been neutralized from the scramp that gradually built up as it went near Englishmen. The commanders subdued him and stripped him of his watch. Thinking the watch was nothing but evil, they threw it at the bottom of the Caspian Sea, where it still remains today. The next day, Nicolai was booted from the army and exiled to Mongolia. Nicolai was angered and confused because of this, so he ran away screaming and tried to eat a whole donkey with nothing but his teeth. The next day, on September 11th, 1947, Nicolai died from poisoning. He was buried without ceremony, because nobody knew who he was in Mongolia, and everyone hated him in Russia. Nicolai and history books No records of Nicolai Ptak are found anywhere in just about every history book for several reasons. Firstly, everyone hated Nicolai at the end of his life and preferred to just pretend he never existed. Next, the world did not want to acknowledge that such horrible things have happened, or that one man could be so powerful so, again, they would rather forget everything happened. Finally, since an overwhelming majority of the world's population is still following scramp beliefs, they do not want to know about a sromp artifact. Category:Artskys Category:Important people